EVERYTHING YOU ALWAYS
WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT SHOWDOGS:
- Degree to which dog handlers will bend over backwards to impress the judges.
- How to arrange the checkbook so your spouse won't know how much money you spent on dog shows last month. Usually done in the bathroom with the door locked.
- A. Name for a lady dog.
B. Name often overheard at dog shows, not always to describe dogs.
- The hairy covering of a dog that usually falls out about one week before the big Specialty show.
- A. A lady dog with children.
B. Expression frequently overheard at dog shows as losers leave the show ring.
- Method of getting to ringside when late.
- "Sweet" look adopted by dogs while staring ravenously at chunks of liver.
- Degree to which some gentlemen handlers dress more than others.
- What winners are accused of doing to judges' nests.
- Part of the dog often stacked toward the outside of the ring.
- A. How you feel when your dog beats the one you had just sold to an eager novice.
B. Expression often screamed to attract the attention of deaf dogs.
- As in "Maximum Allowed," a measurement which all champions fall under by AT LEAST 1/8 inch.
- A way of financing your dog shows by the use of jewelry such as wedding rings.
- Where you go when the kids fight and your spouse yells at you.
- A. Trash left all over the building and parking lot after a dog show.
B. A family of puppies - see definition below.
- What to put on your kids at a dog show to prevent them from calling your competition what they overheard you call him last night.
- Cute marks left all over your French doors.
- What your spouse tells the minister you are doing out in the kennel with the dog and the bitch.
- Minute, invisible awards for winning which you cannot convince your spouse are more important than cash prizes.
- Small, dog like food-processing machines with the ability to stink up an entire house and collectively deafen a band of magpies (These creatures have not yet been perfected, as they come with a leaky system, and can also be dangerous to weak hearts and bank accounts.)
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